Our short-distance relationship
After 2 years living with C. in Suzhou, I found my dream job in Shanghai at the end of November last year. Suzhou is only about 80 km and 40 minutes by high speed train from Shanghai, so in theory it would be possible to work in Shanghai and go back home in Suzhou every day. However this would imply a commuting time of more than 3 hours (including the time it takes to get to and from the train station) so I decided to find a room in Shanghai and go back to Suzhou only on the weekends.
But how would that affect our relationship? Would we miss each other too much? Would we find it hard to live apart 4 nights a week? It was challenging, but I really wanted this job. So we had to give it a try.
Now, two months later, I can finally say: it is completely fine. I don’t even have time to miss him. Does this mean I am a cold, selfish bitch? I don’t think so! So let me elaborate:
– We are so busy we don’t even realize we are living apart
Being busy is a blessing in disguise. My mind is always occupied with something so I don’t have time to think I miss my boyfriend. I spend 8 hours in the office, sometimes even more, and I’m completely focused on what I’m doing (after so many years I have a job that I like, so I’m in heaven!). I have lunch with my colleagues. In the evening I have blogs to update, lessons to study and books to read. Does this mean I don’t contact my boyfriend at all? No, keep reading!
– We text each other all the time
Hooray for WeChat! On the (frequent) micro breaks I take at work there will always be some message from him. Small things like “I am having lunch”, or comments about some piece of news from the internet. Also, the emoticons in WeChat always make me laugh. My favourite ones are the pervert smile and the yelling face. The yelling face is very useful when you find out your boyfriend bought the ugliest cups ever in your absence.
– We videochat in the evenings
WeChat also has the option to videochat (it seems this is going to end up as a WeChat commercial!). It is perfect to see each other in the evening and exchange information about the quantity and quality of your dog’s droppings that day (yes, we really talk about that! Nico‘s intestinal transit is of utmost importance in our little family!). But we also talk about other things!
– Sometimes he has meetings in Shanghai
As I said, Shanghai is really close. C. has meetings here once every one or two weeks. On those occasions we can have lunch or dinner together! We can try new food that we never eat in Suzhou. For example, one day we had dinner at the Brazilian restaurant close to Jing’An Temple.
– Time really flies
It is said that the older you get, the faster time passes. Well, I must be on the verge of retiring because days fly in front of the eyes and I don’t even notice. Every Wednesday (the day I buy my train tickets for the weekend) I think: “How come it is Wednesday again?”. Every Friday, when I have to take my small suitcase to the office because I will be going directly to the train station from there, I think: “Friday already? But it was Tuesday just now!”. So, if you think about it, it is always the weekend!
– When you see each other, you really feel like being together
Sometimes we take our relationships for granted. Being away during the week makes us want to do even more things together during the weekend!
Having a short-distance relationship is definitely doable. You get to see each other after fou or five days! While this wouldn’t even be an option if we had kids, now that it is only the two of us (and Nico) I can be a little bit selfish and concentrate on my career. And in a couple of years… we’ll see.
I’m glad the (short!) distance isn’t a problem and, conversely, is going really well! :D
I’ve written a similar post that I’ve scheduled in advance and will add this to the “similar situation” links I have in it. :D
Definitely agree with the “when you see each other, you really feel like being together”. YJ and I live together, but with his work hours and few days off, it sometimes feels like living apart. ^^; But there are of course positive bits to it too! ^^
I will be looking forward to reading your post! *^_^*
That’s really great your relationship is working just fine even with the short distance! And WeChat video rocks!
P.S.: The pervert face is HILARIOUS!
Maybe it’s because we both are of the independent type! But yes, it is working fine :)
This pervert face is also on QQ and there it even moves his eyebrowns up and down, hahaha!
I swear bbm / WeChat / WhatsAp is the blessing of all short distance / temporary separation couples the world over! My partner and I often travel for work to different places – we survive on silly frequent msgs throughout the day and voice / video chats most evenings or whenever it makes sense to fit in. Glad you two are making it work!!
Yes! Things were way more difficult 20 or 30 years ago, imagine having to rely on snail mail and expensive phone calls!!
I tried that… it didn’t work. ;-)
Pos claro, así lo coges -je,je- con más ganas cuando lo veas.
Nico es divina.
I am just glad now that I never had any kind of long/short distance relationship with my wife. From the beginning onward she lived nearby and soon after moved in with me.
For me is was usually enough when she was away for a week or very long weekend on some seminars abroad. Time really slowed down then!
I was in a long distance relationship once and I don’t think I could do it again… but this short distance thing is ok. However, nothing beats living together, of course! If my job was in Suzhou then it would be perfect!
Well, someday you will most likely be able to work close by again. the future always has some new opportunities for us :)
So happy for you! You can both enjoy your job and have time for your activities and spend the weekend with him. It’s balanced so no worries.
Last week my bf came back to China, and meanwhile I’m staying in Spain for some months. I miss him like crazy. So now I appreciate whatsapp/wechat/qq to keep in touch. Sometimes we even can chat by text. But so far we only can videochat on weekends.
I think the top drawback in my list of worries is that if anything happened to him I couldn’t help him right away, since it may take me some days to apply for a visa to get there. And you know, I’m this type of person that even everything is ok I start worrying “oh fuck, I’m sure something will turn wrong and will screw everything up”, so at the end of the day I’m even more unhappy when everything is ok than when there is some real problem XDDDDD.
Oh, my mum calls that kind of thinking “poner el parche antes de que salga el grano” xDDD Relax! Worrying too much is bad for your health! But I have to confess I am also like that… specially when I’m worried about visa issues!
When is your bf going back to Spain? Or will you come to China?
Thx! Hopefully I can graduate in 1 year and then move to Shanghai, or extend it and do a research stay in China until I finish my PhD. Meanwhile I’ll take advantage of the Spanish holidays and travel there for Easter, August, etc XD. But it’s so recent that I’m still adjusting to not using gtalk with him, instead we use whatsapp or QQ. This is live without a VPN :P.
After our 3 year LDR (Belgium/Netherlands-Japan), I moved to Nagoya while my hubbie (then bf) lived near Osaka. So we had gone from a LDR to a Not-so-LDR or Short Distance Relationship and we saw each other at least two weekends a month. Which was totally awesome after having only seen him once (or less) a year before. Back then, we used Skype daily to maintain the relationship and without that we would never have made it as a couple I think. Now, I use iMessage and FaceTime to keep in constant contact with my family back home, and it’s even more convenient since it feels like we all have each other in our pockets. Thank you technology! The world is so much smaller with it. I may not have lived in the same country as my family since 2007, but thankfully I still feel part of our daily/weekly family life. I am glad I get to see my hubbie every single day though, don’t really want to be apart from him anymore.
Wow, it’s awesome that you made your LDR work for 3 years!
Technology is amazing, yes. Now I’m in China and I hear from my parents every day, 10 years ago when I was attending university in another city in Spain I would phone them once every 2 weeks or so… it definitely feels closer now!
Great post:) sweet thoughts:)
Thanks!
There is a saying ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’ so I guess that is the case with a short distance relationship – The lack of someone increases the desire for the person. :)
It is definitely easier to be apart these days thanks to technology. I just love pervert smile! haha
There is a lot of truth to that saying :) But the absence cannot be too long either!
Yes, you got a point! :)
The smiling pervert face emoticon :D I always wondered if that was an overly happy face or a cheeky one as you mentioned. Always thought it was more cheeky! It is very cute how the two of you keep in touch with each other – maybe Nico is jealous and hope he gets enough attention at home :D
I also videochat with Nico! I call her name and she gets very excited and looks for me, hahaha. Then on Friday evening when I arrive home she jumps all over me! I think she misses me more than my boyfriend does…
What I think is pervert smile = = cunning smile
Yes, it could also be that! But with the blushing and the eyebrows… I choose pervert haha!
I think it’s not so bad. Sometimes even if the couple live and work in the same city, they don’t live together, especially if they are locals and live with their parents. My sister and her boyfriend is one such example. Their homes are like, 8km apart, but after the “3 months honeymoon” period, they only meet on weekends now. Weekdays they have their own work and family to get back to. You’re case sounds better than them :D
Oh right. I haven’t been in a “we don’t live together” relationship for so long I forgot that actually happens, haha. When I was in University I didn’t see my then boyfriend every day…
It sounds like a good situation. Perfect, in fact. I’m glad you are working at your dream job and still have plenty of time for your boyfriend. I remember the days when my husband traveled for three weeks at a time and snail mail in Asia was really as slow as a snail. (Often he returned before his letter arrived.) The telephone was so expensive, we only used it for emergencies.
Yes, things were way harder a few years back! I also think people were more patient back then… now we are used to instant messaging and we expect replies fast!
Hi Marta, Yeah that is totally doable. WeChat is really amazing (and has the best emoticons right???) I don’t know if I would like to do it personally, and since K and I are married with a one year old it would be really hard. I’m so happy you found a great job. For me it’s been hard to find a job in China that I love. Where I am is a huge improvement over where I’ve worked before, but ideally I’d like to find a librarian job in China.
By the way, We are at a school between Suzhou and Shanghai. It might be fun to look each other up when we are in Shanghai sometime. It’d be great to meet you in person :)
Sure, we can meet!! From Monday to Friday afternoon I’m in Shanghai, on the weekends I’m in Suzhou… are you planning to go to Suzhou? Please let me know! We can go visit something, or have lunch/dinner, or whatever! (Maybe after Chinese New Year is better, this weekend I’m working on Saturday, next weekend I have to go to Shenzhen and Hong Kong and the next one I will be in Gansu…).
Yeah after the New Year will probably be better. We haven’t figured out what we are going to do yet. We haven’t visited Suzhou yet so maybe after the holiday we can go there on the weekend and do something fun. Looking forward :)
Yay!! Let’s keep in touch :)
Wow that sounds nice!! Sign me up! haha
I think you get the best of both worlds, there–and if you don’t mind the commute every week, then I don’t see the big problem!
I’m so happy you found your dream job, it seems like you really love it!! You’re a shining example for me to think of when I’m miserable at my cubicle job, haha… it is possible to find your “dream job”–just can’t give up!
Anyway, glad to hear you and C are doing well (despite the ugly cups, haha)
Well, maybe I exaggerated a little bit with “dream job” :P But I am enjoying my job so far. Translating games is far more enjoyable than having endless meetings and fighting with Purchases and suppliers all day so I’m in heaven haha.
Every couple is different, but I think you situation sounds GREAT. Being away from my husband allows me to appreciate him more and I also enjoy having time alone now and then. Ming and I normally see too much of each other due to our work schedules!
Having time alone is definitely important! But I guess it is almost non existent after you have kids…
If your relationship is good then you don’t have anything to worry about. Distance only puts pressure on already existing cracks.
When I had the opportunity to spend a year studying on the otherside of the world from my boyfriend I couldn’t not take it. although I would have loved to be where I was and only a couple of hours commute from him, we got through it fine and are probably stronger now.
LDRs are hard. I had one a long time ago, when I first came to China and I had a boyfriend in Spain. In the end we broke up because I wanted to stay in China…
I don’t think I could go through a LDR again. It is just too hard…
You’re right, they aren’t easy, but for me not being in a relationship would’ve been harder. I think they need an end point to work. I was able to say to myself we just have to get through the next X number of months apart. Plus when it got difficult we had an amazing 2months of travelling together to plan and look forward too. I can see how with you wanting to stay in China it would’ve been very difficult. An LDR can’t be a permanent thing,; it only works as a temporary phases of a relationship with a view to you eventually living in the same place. I’m itching to move back to Asia but I don’t think my bf would put up with me doing that to him again…
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I love using the yelling face all the time for everything! :D It gives life more meaning lol Tony and I also like to discuss about our dog’s droppings too frequently. -.- Seems like using WeChat really helps when it comes to any relationship with some distance in between. I think I’m going to be using it a lot more now when I move away to study for while. :3
Oh, so will you be in a LDR now?
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Me encanta leer acerca de tu relación con tu novio, me ayuda mucho pues yo también ando en las mismas hahaha! Así que me siento muy identificada, así llegué a tu blog, desde los enlaces del blog “Speaking of China”
Jajaja, creo que más de la mitad de mis lectores llegan desde Speaking of China, le tendré que pagar por sus servicios publicitarios :P
¿Hablarás algún día de tu relación en el blog? ;)
Sí, yo creo que si :) más adelante haha
My boyfriend and I are long distance and live in different countries (me in Japan, him in Korea) but the two are really close to one another and I’m actually closer to Korea than I am to Tokyo. Time does fly when I look back on it, but the waiting period makes me impatient every time.
LDR are really hard! But it is easier if you can travel frequently :)