We never fight
Recently I witnessed an online discussion in which some women were talking about the problems they had with their boyfriends/husbands. Almost all of them mentioned having arguments and fights with their partners. Others replied that it is perfectly normal and healthy that couples fight.
Then it dawned on me: I am not normal.
You see, C. and I have never fought.
In fact, I don’t think I have ever fought with anybody (except my brother when we were kids, maybe). I am usually very quiet. I rarely raise my voice. I don’t remember yelling at anyone, at least in the last few years. And I am completely sure I have never punched anyone or broken dishes in a fit of rage (my roomate in Shanghai fought with her sister and did that. I was very scared).
It’s not that we agree on everything. But I just don’t feel the need for fighting! Calmly talking about it seems like a much better option. But I can think of a few instances in which C. and I did not agree, and they mainly have to do with our (his) apartment.
I never really considered the option of owning real estate. I like to pay for the things that I buy with money that I actually own. And recently, in Spain, we have heard a lot of cases of people buying property, getting a huge mortgage and then losing their job and being unable to pay. And, as a result, being evicted (which doesn’t cancel the debt with the bank, by the way). Let’s say that I just couldn’t see the point, apart from the fact that I don’t even know where I will be in 5 years.
But for C. this is another story. He, as a Chinese man, needed to own an apartment. Chinese people are obsessed with buying property! When he started talking about buying I was not too happy about it. But he insisted so in the end I told him it was his money and he could do whatever he wanted with it. Yep, the apartment is 100% his and I am totally fine with this! No reason for fighting here.
Then, after purchasing the apartment, we had to buy some furniture. We went to Ikea as I couldn’t think of any other furniture store where the things don’t smell like poisonous chemicals or are ridiculously barroque or overpriced. The major point of disagreement was the sofa: he wanted to get a leather one. My parents had a leather sofa when I was a teenager and I hated it with all my heart. Try sitting there when it is hot and not ripping the skin in your legs off when you stand up! I managed to convince him of this one and we got a regular fabric sofa. He later admitted it is super comfy! Ikea also witnessed some other disagreements, mainly caused by his poor taste (what can we do, he is a man!) but they were met with a lot of eye rolling on my side. He says my eyes are going to freeze like that some day.
We have also had some other small disagreements that were quickly solved with a few words. For example, when he wanted to wear sport pants with a woollen jumper. There was not much to say on that one, though. I said I would pretend I didn’t know him if he went out like that. Then we also discussed if we should trim Nico’s fur. I was in favour, he was against. Finally we only trimmed it a little bit because it got really nasty when it rained. We also get overexcited sometimes when we talk about politics but I tend to shut up on this one as I am not really well versed on the matter. Overall, I think we don’t fight because we have learned many valuable lessons from past relationships. He learned that picking fights or responding to provocation doesn’t lead to anything good. I learned that I have to be more vocal about my feelings instead of burying them. We are doing good.
We mostly support and respect each other but I am sure we will have many more disagreements in the future, especially if we have kids. I just hope we can face them in the same calm manner as now! Because I can’t really see myself throwing things!
Do you fight with your partner? What does usually cause the confrontation? I am very curious on this one because I need to get ready for more stressful times!