How not to organize your wedding

Is it true that some women start thinking about their dream wedding when they are little girls? That they grab bed sheets, curtains or any piece of white cloth and fashion dresses and veils? Does this happen for real or only in the movies? The wedding industry and the media repeats constantly that your wedding day is the happiest day of your life and that everything has to be perfect that day. Well, I have a big problem. I am having my weddings next year and I have absolutely no idea how they should be. I never thought about it and I don’t know what I want.

I do know what I don’t want, though. I don’t want it to be cheesy. I don’t want it to be too emotional. I’d rather have a fun ceremony. We are going to have a civil ceremony but it’s going to be fake, because in China you are married in an office when you go to pick the marriage certificate. Who should be the conductor of the ceremony? In China it’s usually a professional host hired for the occasion. I find them terribly cheesy, repeating nauseating clichés about love all the time. I don’t want a professional host. But then who? A relative? A friend? Civil ceremonies are gaining momentum in Spain too, but I have never attended a civil wedding there. What should the conductor say? I have absolutely no idea.

One of the main details in a wedding is the bride’s dress. What style is my dress going to be? In the Chinese wedding, will I have two dresses, a white one and a red one? Again, I haven’t decided yet. I haven’t even started searching online for some gown that I might like. Is it too late? According to some wedding websites, you should start looking for your gown one year in advance! Luckily there is a famous wedding gown market in Suzhou. I think I will just go there and start looking what they have. Yes, I will go. Some day. With whom, I don’t know. I don’t exactly have a ton of friends in Suzhou and according to Western traditions it is absolutely forbidden that the groom sees the wedding dress before the actual wedding, so C. cannot come with me. (He actually offered to go to the market with me). Again, the only thing I know for sure about the gown is that it will NOT be strapless. I hate strapless dresses because they create a muffin top of fat in that space between the arm and the boob. Also, my dress will probably not have a puffy skirt.


Ugh, I won’t wear a veil either. This pic was taken with one of those apps with many filters.

The wedding in China will be easier. Weddings here are short. Guests arrive, eat, drink a glass with the couple and leave. Not much pressure. Lately many weddings I’ve attended had a professional host also during the dinner part which would sing, organize some simple games and give away gifts. I will NOT have that. Those hosts are super loud and annoying. I will also indicate in the invitation that guests should PLEASE dress up a bit. And with dress up I don’t mean wearing anything super fancy, extravagant or expensive. I mean “don’t come to my wedding wearing the same clothes you wore to the supermarket this morning” and “don’t even think about shorts and flip flops”. It’s not much to ask, right? Yes, I am looking at you, C.’s cousin. (I won’t make old people follow this rule. C.’s grandma can wear whatever she wants). Oh, and there is one thing I knew from the beginning regarding the wedding in China: it would NOT be in one of those banquet halls without windows. They give me claustrophobia! I wanted an outside wedding and we found a nice little hotel that offers this option.

This is one of the options we checked, the garden of a huge hotel. But only the ceremony would be performed outside and the banquet would be in one of those horrible windowless halls. We chose another place where we will have lake views both during the ceremony and the banquet.

This is one of the options we checked, the garden of a huge hotel. But only the ceremony would be performed outside and the banquet would be in one of those horrible windowless halls. We chose another place where we will have lake views both during the ceremony and the banquet.

Weddings in Spain are more complicated as they last the whole day or night. After eating, people drink and dance until very late. The newly weds are also expected to do the first dance while everybody looks (C. thought I was joking when I told him this). Here again I will try to do something fun instead of cheesy. Then we will have a DJ and everybody will dance. This is another one of my problems. What kind of music should the DJ play? Bars and clubs in Spain usually play music that I hate. But the music that I would dance to maybe will not encourage my guests to dance and I want them to have a good time. So I will need to find some kind of balance here.

For the wedding in China we already hired a wedding planner and I am thinking about doing the same in Spain because a) as I am saying, I have no idea about anything and b) I am not even there to visit suppliers and make arrangements. A friend told me one of our classmates from school is a wedding planner. But I can imagine her face when she asks me what ideas I have for my wedding and I reply “None at all”, haha. A couple of friends that got married last year suggested me to have a look at Pinterest to check some ideas. I am so terrified of doing that. Isn’t Pinterest the place where super crafty people with tons of time in their hands make amazing things? Won’t it just be a major disappointment if I check it and realize there’s no way I can do that or it’s terribly expensive to have someone do it for me?

Last month in Spain I met a friend who is also getting married next year. She had tons of ideas and was planning dozens of things to do at her wedding. She even bought a special notebook to write down everything related to the wedding. “But there’s not much to plan, right?”, I said. “I have already booked the place, then I will put some simple decorations, get a band and a DJ and that’s it”. She laughed at me. I guess I am missing lots of things! But for the moment I am not really stressed planning anything. In fact I’m not doing much at all…

Don’t take my ramblings too seriously! I just needed to put my thoughts in written. In the end everything will be fine, I guess. Did it take you a long time to organize your wedding? Did you have many ideas about how everything should be?