Reverse culture shock?
When I was in China and the idea of permanently going back to Spain sometimes came up in conversations about the future, I always felt a bit uneasy. Would it be hard to get used to life in Spain after almost a decade and a half in China? I had the precedent of what happened to me in 2011, when I went back to Spain for a year and I ended up asking my then company to send me back to China. So, when in April my husband told me that we might need to move to Spain until the trouble in his company was solved, I was not very happy about it. I liked my life in China. Heck, it seems even part of my identity was about me being in China. That’s what my blog was about! And I had found a great international kindergarten where Baby A. would have a lot of fun and learn English. I definitely didn’t want to leave everything on hold.
Have you ever heard about reverse culture shock? It’s when you go back to your home country after having lived abroad and you have a hard time adapting. I really thought I was going to have a hard time when I moved back to Spain. Then “the situation” happened and I had to pack and leave. So… Am I having reverse culture shock or not?
I am not.
It’s amazing, I feel great in Spain. This is not to say that I wouldn’t go back to China when circumstances improve, but I am not dying to be there.
What happened this time? Why couldn’t I adjust to my own country when I was 27, and now ten years later, with husband and son in tow, everything about being here feels fantastic?
One of the things I notice all the time is how open and happy Spanish people are. Is this some kind of cliché? It’s not that people are laughing and dancing in the streets, but the small interactions that we have with complete strangers. An old man complimenting my son’s sunglasses, a bunch of domestic tourists clapping and singing on a train. Also, it is easy to make friends with other parents. A couple of days ago, my son had his first birthday party as a guest. I spent the evening with some of his classmates’ parents and they were all were super nice and talkative. And with this I don’t mean that Chinese people are unfriendly, they’re just… different. Less effusive, maybe.
I also thought it would be hard, for us and for my son, to move from a big city, with a population of several million people, to my hometown, where we’re not even 100,000. I assumed we would be bored and tired of going to the same places all the time, but we got into the habit of rotating what we do in the afternoons, after school and work. One day we go to one of the several parks around, another we go to the library to read a bit and borrow books from the children’s room, and another we may need to go to some store to buy something. Oh, regarding this, I promised myself I wouldn’t buy anything on Amazon and, except for an ebook that I couldn’t get anywhere else (When in Vanuatu by Nicki Chen), I’ve kept my promise. I’d rather go to a shop and, if I can’t find whatever I’m looking for, then I buy it online from anywhere but Amazon. It can be done! And I have also started using several apps and websites to buy and sell second hand clothes and stuff. All of this has also caused my amount of shopping to decrease by a lot, compared to when I was in China and Taobao was just so convenient.
Living in a small place also has advantages: we can walk everywhere! We have a car but there’s no need to drive within the city as most places are within walking distance. Besides, on weekends and holidays there are so many places around to explore.
The worries about my son’s preschool were also for nothing. Here he is attending a public school and he is having a lot of fun. His teacher is a man in his 50s and he really seems to know what he’s doing. Within a couple of weeks, I noticed an improvement on my son’s pronunciation of some consonants. He won’t be learning much English, that is true, but well, here the school is completely free (except for some books and materials I had to buy) and in Suzhou I was going to be forking out 6000 RMB per month (about 800 EUR/900 USD).
I think I’m also enjoying our stay because I see my husband is so much healthier and carefree here. No more stupid dinners with 50º rice liquor (aka baijiu, aka rocket fuel) 3/4 times a week, no more work pressure and competition, no more meetings on the weekend (or ever, haha). He lost some weight and doesn’t snore anymore. He is learning Spanish very fast and became friends with all the parents from school. Last Friday we went to a concert for children in a park and he made kimbap (rice rolls with vegetables inside) for everybody to try.
I am definitely enjoying my year here and I look forward to participating in all the local events that I haven’t attended for years (I haven’t lived here in almost two decades): the Medieval Bazar in the Old Town, Christmas with its ridiculous amounts of food, the Three Wise Kings parade, Carnival, Easter, Womad (a world music festival that has been held for many years), the fun fair… Everything will feel new to me, and it will be new for my husband and son.
I love that you can walk everywhere. I wish Los Angeles was more like European cities, but alas!
Also, free school is awesome.
And free public hospitals, and private insurance for a 1/4 of the price in China… People always complain about taxes, but paying the school and insurance in China was way more than the taxes in Spain xD
Awwww!! Reading this warms my heart, Marta! I’m so glad that your husband is able to relax and actually live life for a change. I really feel for him… all those meetings, all that baijiu, all that stress… ugh! Not worth it.
Sounds like a very peaceful and easygoing life in Spain.. I am glad you and the family are adjusting so well! Actually, when I went back to visit China after living in the US for a few years, I realized that I didn’t want to go back even if I had the choice (despite my intense reverse culture shock). I think I came to the realization that chapter of my life was closed and I had to move on. Plus, you can’t put a price on clean air and being in nature. I love seeing blue skies.
I just hope he remembers what his priorities are when we go back to China!!
I went to reread your post about reverse culture shock when I wrote this, because I remembered you had wrote about it! Sometimes the most difficult part is recognizing that a stage in your life is over…
Do you feel any sadness or regret at the realisation that a stage of your life is over, though? This bothers me because it’s one of those poignant reminders of the passage of time and the fact that our options in life becomes more limited as we get older. It makes me sad.
I totally understand what you mean, but no, for now I don’t have that feeling. Maybe it’s because we are supposed to go back to China next year if things go as planned, so I don’t see it as a finished stage.
I can clearly see the passage of time in other things though… like my wrinkles and white hairs, haha.
I love Spain, and how wonderful that your transition was not only painless but beneficial to all! I wrote about reverse culture shock in my memoir, but after multiple transits back and forth between Hong Kong and the US, it’s a thing of the past for me as well.
Thanks, Heather! I think my life is going to be transiting between Spain and China too… If China ever reopens the borders, hahaha.
Wow! Thank you for buying When in Vanuatu. I hope you’ll like it.
I’m so glad you’re all enjoying being in Spain. I’d love to spend more time there. About 20 yrs. ago, my daughters and I had a lovely time driving around Galicia and seeing the sights. We chose Galicia because it was late July and early August, and the weather was perfect there at that time.
Love the photo of your shadows.
Actually, I already finished it as I bought it during the summer! I liked it, especially the second half.
Galicia is definitely the place to be in Spain if you cannot stand sweltering hot summers, haha.
It is just a different state in the same country and I already have reverse culture shock when I came back to my hometown for a visit when the state borders reopen after more than a year. But it was mostly unpleasant for me, the shop attendants, the road users, even the neighbors, they seem more rude than ever before, probably due to lockdown stress no thanks to Covid.
Oh, no! But it’s interesting that two planes within the same country can be so different as to have culture shock, haha.
What a blessing! So happy to hear this – it sounds like you all are getting to really enjoy some beautiful time together.
As far as why no reverse culture shock, I’ve got a guess. You’re older and no longer am seeking excitement in the way that we do when we’re younger. You’re a mother and wife, and you want some stability, especially in a time when there seems to be so many changes!
Plus, China has been scaring the beejeezus out of me lately with their “we want Taiwan” and kicking out foreigners…
Looking forward to more photos of your new life in Spain. xo
Great analysis! I don’t know about stability, but I definitely don’t have enough time for any excitement these days, haha!
The Taiwan thing… sigh. For China it has always been a part of their territory and they are not going to change their mind, ever… But I doubt they are stupid enough to launch a direct attack. They’re more into provocations to see if the other side strikes first…
No, China will play games first… It’s already started with cutting off Australia’s export of dairy to the Mainland.
Stay safe! xo
Hahaha yes, they always do that. They sure know how to use their purchasing power. I wish other countries would do the same… with China.
Yerp. ;)
Very excited for you, and glad you are settling in well. Reverse culture shock is definitely real as you realise you’ve forgotten certain sayings or habits. I’m sure you will pick these back up and be able to share your China experiences with others too.
Nice to see you back!!
It sounds like a very smooth transition back to Spain for you and your family. Looking forward to reading more of your adventures in Spain. I always got reverse culture shock when I visited Malaysia and Singapore – more like people pointing out how I speak, how I look and of course the pace and lifestyle is different there. It’s been so long since I’ve been back because of the pandemic and I think if I get to go back this time, I probably won’t care for reverse culture shock 😄
Thanks, Mabel! I hope you get to travel soon!
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Spain sounds amazing. Hope I get to visit one day. Definitely cleaner air too.